bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
