haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
