Where is the hickey?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
