I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he was CRYING into my vagina
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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