Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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