I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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