one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
