I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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