I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
