this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
