quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
