Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
