Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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