Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
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Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
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its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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