I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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