and next time when you feel me up, do it right
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
