covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
