I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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