I bet he comes in French.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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