yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
