I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm sobbing to NWA
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
