I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
