oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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