I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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