DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
