There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
