I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
