garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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