OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
