dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
