the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
