I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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