You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I want a musical about memes.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
