I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
