dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
