Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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