fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
