I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dicks are not precious.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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