I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
