in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
