i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
