i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
he's single and there are thong briefs.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
