What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
