i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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