woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
why is half of my head shaved?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
