so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
