I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
