i think i have two assholes
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
