Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
sex in a hospital.. check
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize