making cat noises will not fix the situation.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
