i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize