I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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