I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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