Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
