just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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