sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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