i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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