i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
