He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
