The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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