dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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